As a "boi" in the lesbian world, I'd always been scared to get a pap smear and breast exam. How horrid did it sound to have someone see all the parts under my clothes that I have tried so hard to hide from othersever since I could remember picking my own clothes?
I had a very rough childhood, not only because of my authoritative parents, but because of the abuse I endured as well. The main reason I did not want anyone underneath my clothes, what I hid behind every day, was the result of 16 years of sexual abuse. My stepfather put fear and discomfort in the thought of anyone ever touching me because of his actions towards me every night when my mother and sister were sleeping. It was hard for me to let anyone close to me after that. The thought that kept running through my head with every girl that I met or parent I was introduced to was, "If my own stepfathersomeone who was at my mom's bedside when I was borncould do that to me, how am I ever going to let someone I barely even know intimately into my life, and how will I ever trust them or their father?"
Then, six years after taking him to court, I met my current girlfriend and finally embraced my self-proclaimed "tomboy" identity and all of my body that goes along with it. Owning my body allowed me to finally understand the reasons for having these exams. I was able to realize that to live without worry of cervical or breast cancer or any other such diseases/viruses, ( something I've worried about off and on for years ) , I needed to have these exams. So I did itI went to Howard Brown Health Center and can say that I came out alive and happy knowing I can live now without worry! Is there fear for the next appointment? Yes. But, I know that just like the first appointment, it is only benefiting me in the long run! Even the manliest of all lesbians should feel the excitement of knowing about their health!
Alisha Brennon is a student at Robert Morris University and a member of the Chicago Force women's football team.